Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. Being with family and friends, cooking and baking, eating, playing games, strengthening relationships, laughter, tears, spending time with those I love, and football. All of these experiences are what Thanksgiving has always meant to me.
In the past few weeks, I have given this season of thanksgiving a lot of thought.
Think of someone you know that is happy, someone who smiles, and makes others happy by just being around them. Now think of someone you know that is unhappy, they seem older than they are, they are bitter, angry or depressed, and drain others of their energy. First let me say we should never judge another until we have walked a while in their shoes. Having said that, I believe there is a particular virtue missing in the life of the person who is unhappy. Where there is an abundance of this virtue, a person is more likable, happy, and at peace. When this virtue is forgotten, there is misery, sadness and futility.
The virtue I refer to is gratitude.
Gratitude is a mark of a noble soul and a refined character. Those who are grateful tend to brighten all around them. They make others feel better about themselves. They tend to be more humble, more joyful, more likable. I propose that people are unhappy because they have lost or not acquired the virtue of gratitude. Perhaps life didn’t turn out the way they thought it would. External conditions do not make a person happy. In fact, external things so valued by the world are often the cause of a great deal of misery in the world. Gratitude turns a meal into a feast and drudgery into delight. It softens our grief and heightens our pleasure. It forges bonds of love and fosters loyalty and admiration. Living in thanksgiving daily is a habit that will enrich our lives and the lives of those we love. How do we make living in thanksgiving part of who we are?
Robert Louis Stevenson, who wrote, “The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life” (Quotationary, electronic quotation dictionary). Unfortunately, because the beauties of life are so abundant, sometimes we take them for granted. Our minds have a marvelous capacity to notice the unusual. However, the opposite is true as well: The more often we see the things around us—even the beautiful and wonderful things—the more they become invisible to us. Often we take for granted the beauty around us: flowers, treest, birds, and even those we love. We see some things so often, that we see them less and less.
Those who live in thanksgiving daily, however, have a way of opening their eyes and seeing the wonders and beauties of this world as though seeing them for the first time. I encourage you to look around. Notice the people you care about. Notice the fragrance of the flowers and the song of the birds. Notice and give thanks for the blue of the sky, the color of the leaves, and the white of the clouds. Enjoy every sight, every smell, every taste, every sound. When we open our eyes and give thanks for the bountiful beauty of this life, we live in thanksgiving daily.
We must let go of the negative emotions that bind our hearts and instead fill our souls with love, faith, and thanksgiving. Anger, resentment, and bitterness stunt the growth of our spirit. Cleanse your heart and do not harbor thoughts and feelings that drag you down and destroy your spirit.
One of the best ways to live in gratitude is by opening your arms to those around you and blessing their lives. When was the last time you told someone you love how much they mean to you? When was the last time you expressed your gratitude to someone who has always been there for you, someone who has sacrificed for you, someone whose heart has always been filled with hopes and dreams for you? When was the last time you unselfishly reached out to help another in need? Every time we cheer another’s heart, every time we ease another’s burden, every time we lift a weary hand, we show our gratitude to that God to whom we owe all that we have and all that we are. Gratitude is shown by our acts.
Don’t be discouraged if you haven’t been an especially grateful person. Think of how delightfully surprised those who thought they knew you will be, as you turn over a new leaf and embark on a new journey filled with gratitude. Every dawn is a new day—a new opportunity. Now is the time to stop seeking the storms in life and enjoy the sunlight. Look for the good in others. Still our voices of insult and sarcasm, and genuinely compliment and lift others.
Begin today. Thanskgiving is the beginning of gratitude. Reach out to those around you, lift, build and be truly happy. Open your eyes, open your heart and your arms. Your life will have new meaning and you will build relationships that will transcend this life and endure into the eternities.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Seeking first to understand
Over the past few months I have had some amazing experiences. My faith in people has been restored. I had reached a point in my life where I no longer saw good in people. The culture of my job bred negativity and constant contention, both in dealing with clients and with many co-workers. I no longer enjoyed talking to anyone or be around people anymore. I felt like the life had been sucked out of me by mean people.
My life is completely different today. I wake up every day and look forward to meeting new people and just getting to know them. Where have they been in their life? What experiences have they had? Will they share who they are and what they have learned? There are so many wonderful people in this world with so many experiences and so much knowledge - imagine if we all sought to understand each other, lifted each other and built each other up. Yes, we all have our faults, but if we focused on each other's strengths and good qualities, learned from each other and taught each other, how different would our world be?
Years ago I read the book entitled 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People', by Stephen R. Covey. I have always remembered a phrase from that book: "seek first to understand". I certainly have not yet mastered this art, but every day I try to improve. I try to listen to someone when they are talking and understand what they are feeling and why. Most often when we talk with someone, we listen, waiting for our turn to respond to what they have just said. We have our own story or experience to share and, simply, are politely waiting for them to finish, so we can be heard - or understood. I believe we can learn something from everyone who crosses our path, if we can open ourselves up enough to learn, and do not miss the experience by being self absorbed.
I'll share a story that happened a few days ago. The attorney I work for was in a deposition that ran a few minute late. The second person to be deposed had arrived and was most annoyed. I was determined to talk with her and become her friend. I listened to her express her dissatisfaction with being there and sincerely apologized for her being inconvenienced. As she expressed other reasons for being upset, I empathized with her and soon, we were laughing, talking about some of the interesting art pieces in the lobby, and talking about other things. I found her to be a delightful woman, very poised, intelligent and quite enjoyed our conversation. The next day I was forwarded an e-mail from her, still very upset of her involvement in this dispute between our client and the opposing side. When I responded to her e-mail, reminding her that we had met prior to her deposition, she immediately softened her approach and, in fact, thanked me for coming out to speak with her before her deposition. She had been quite stressed and we had connected - a friendship was started. I fully intend - once the matter is resolved - to continue the friendship that was started that day.
I have thought about that experience alot in the last few days. How many times do we make judgments about someone, not understanding at all what they are feeling? If we truly seek first to understand, before being understood, our lives will be enriched in ways we cannot possibly imagine.
I challenge each of you to seek first to understand. As we all journey through life we will travel over peaks and through valleys. There will be hard times, unpleasant experiences and disappointments. All of these experiences that we call life will taste sweeter if we open ourselves to truly understanding others.
My life is completely different today. I wake up every day and look forward to meeting new people and just getting to know them. Where have they been in their life? What experiences have they had? Will they share who they are and what they have learned? There are so many wonderful people in this world with so many experiences and so much knowledge - imagine if we all sought to understand each other, lifted each other and built each other up. Yes, we all have our faults, but if we focused on each other's strengths and good qualities, learned from each other and taught each other, how different would our world be?
Years ago I read the book entitled 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People', by Stephen R. Covey. I have always remembered a phrase from that book: "seek first to understand". I certainly have not yet mastered this art, but every day I try to improve. I try to listen to someone when they are talking and understand what they are feeling and why. Most often when we talk with someone, we listen, waiting for our turn to respond to what they have just said. We have our own story or experience to share and, simply, are politely waiting for them to finish, so we can be heard - or understood. I believe we can learn something from everyone who crosses our path, if we can open ourselves up enough to learn, and do not miss the experience by being self absorbed.
I'll share a story that happened a few days ago. The attorney I work for was in a deposition that ran a few minute late. The second person to be deposed had arrived and was most annoyed. I was determined to talk with her and become her friend. I listened to her express her dissatisfaction with being there and sincerely apologized for her being inconvenienced. As she expressed other reasons for being upset, I empathized with her and soon, we were laughing, talking about some of the interesting art pieces in the lobby, and talking about other things. I found her to be a delightful woman, very poised, intelligent and quite enjoyed our conversation. The next day I was forwarded an e-mail from her, still very upset of her involvement in this dispute between our client and the opposing side. When I responded to her e-mail, reminding her that we had met prior to her deposition, she immediately softened her approach and, in fact, thanked me for coming out to speak with her before her deposition. She had been quite stressed and we had connected - a friendship was started. I fully intend - once the matter is resolved - to continue the friendship that was started that day.
I have thought about that experience alot in the last few days. How many times do we make judgments about someone, not understanding at all what they are feeling? If we truly seek first to understand, before being understood, our lives will be enriched in ways we cannot possibly imagine.
I challenge each of you to seek first to understand. As we all journey through life we will travel over peaks and through valleys. There will be hard times, unpleasant experiences and disappointments. All of these experiences that we call life will taste sweeter if we open ourselves to truly understanding others.
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